Living with mental illness

Hi my lovelies πŸ’›πŸŒ»

Today I think we need to talk about living with mental illnesses. I was only 19 when I crashed into the wall of my own feelings and it just said BOOM! The stigma surrounding mentally ill and people with mental health problems is both very difficult and important to talk about, because people don’t see you as sick, because you don’t look sick.

I’ve heard this since the day it said boom and I couldn’t move from Antons arms because I was so afraid and scared. I have been told, while having an anxiety attack, that I needed just to “shake it of” and “grow up”. Well that’s not me. At least not anymore. Because for a long time after I got sick, I thought if I didn’t talk about it, it didn’t exist. But that lead to another crash and I had to learn how to talk about my feelings and dealing with them.

Now I am like an open book, almost. To function as a person and to cope with my feelings and dealing with anxiety and depression, I need to talk about how I feel and not just with a professional, I need to talk to my family and friends about my feelings. I write almost every night in a “mental journal” about my feelings just to kinda talk and sort out my feelings.

Now I know that I need to rest alot, that my body doesn’t work like everybody else does. Yes it sounds weird doesn’t it? But after learning the hard way, I’m now kinda proud of my self, learning to say no to things because I don’t have the energy to do it.

And now it’s been 2 years since my last mental breakdown. I still have anxiety and is depressed, but now I have the tools to cope with it. My therapist and I are working together to make sure that I have the tools for a better life. So the latest may seem easy for you, but for me personally it’s been a struggle. Since my first mental breakdown I’ve struggled with planning things (even before that) and never really used and understood why people have schedules of their days and day planners. But now, I am a slave for planning what I need to do with everything. And this is so I don’t use up all of my energy in just doing ONE thing.

Yes I know ?! It sounds soooooo basic, but this is my truth about my life. Without planning and sleeping, I am a no go and skips out of everything you may ask me. So basically now you know a little how its been for me living with mental illness.

Follow me around, with epilepsy

Hello my mystic creatures πŸ‘ΎπŸ§šβ€β™€οΈπŸ§žβ€β™€οΈπŸ§œβ€β™€οΈ

Today I thought it would be a good idea to just look into my life, how it looks when I have bad days and with that I mean days with seizures (or anxiety, but yesterday was seizures).

So let’s start!

I woke up, had alot of spasms/ myclonic seizures, Anton told me and I went back to bed and took this amazing picture.

Hey, life is you on my side today? Nope!

Anton went to work, took Jizza with him. I slept and slept and woke up around 12 again. So I got up to eat, but because I had spasms and they had not stop and I needed to microwave the food in the fridge, I ate ricecake and drank water. Mmmm yum!

Next, I went back to bed, now I managed my self to change the sheets and took a new nap.

Well when I woke up I’ve gotten 4 missed calls and 3 messages on messenger… I woke up at 18.40 ……πŸ™„

Yep, my brain was extremely tired and I couldn’t do anything else but sleep.

When Anton got home he feed me properly and then we talked and I snuggled with Jizza a bit then it was back to bed again. πŸ˜‰

And that folks is a day in my bad days life. I can’t say disabled life because I’m always disabled, but there’s good days and bad days and this, is a bad day. I slept through most of it and I’m sorry to say it’s not over yet. Today was not a spasm free day.

But I hope we can see them in the future πŸ˜‰

A bit diffrent

Hello my dearest beams of sunlight!

So yesterday I went to my hairdresser to get my hair cut after two years. Yes you heard right, I didn’t cut it for two years. My hair was not tangled or anything but it got so long I just got tired of it. So i went from hair that went down to my boobs to hair that’s barely touches my shoulders.

and you know? I really really missed my shorter hair and really now when it’s some kinda of heatwave here in Karlskrona. OMG, we are burning up! And my epilepsy really don’t like when it’s this hot!
And it’s like this every summer. I get seizures and we have to cancel plans. I really hate this, but it’s just to suck it up and replan. But hey that’s disability life!

xoxo

 

A witch with purple hair

Hello my cactuses

This weekend was another family weekend with my side of the family. My little baby cousin Maja (she is not so little anymore she is 15) was about to get her in Swedish we call it “konfirmation”, i think it’s called confirmation in english (but I’m really not sure), so we went to Nybro for the weekend and we were about to babysit my (baby brother who is 13 but has autism).
We really checked the weather report for this trip and it was going to be about 30 celsius warm, but it was poring rain and just 16 celsius warm, so what I wore was a bit cold, but I felt so freaking casual fancy in it AND really loved showing of my curves.

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I really don’t wear this type of ribbon-skirts, because I felt so un me in them, but when I saw this I just said “FUCK IT!, I love it and I’m going to rock it!” and that’s what I did! Felt so proud of myself!
The skirt is from Lindex and is in stores now, I bought in a 2xl and it is very true to size!

But now there is something we need to chat about!
Why is it that the generation that is our parents and older feels free to say hurtful things about, for exampel my purple hair? I really Love it and that is why i keep coloring it purple. But for some reason, PEOPLE keep calling me a witch with purple hair. So now I’m embracing it.
Enough is ENOUGH!

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Did you know witches are only girls and women, so GIRL POWER!!! They are believed to be magic (most of them for good and medicinal use), they had to believe in them self (very very much, because no one else did) and didn’t care about what people thought about them. So as long as my hair is purple the witch is here to stay!
Sorry, people who hates my hair!

But now to something completely different and that is some new cactuses. Yes we bought new babies to the collection of stinglynes.

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This one is formed like a drop of rain and is about to blom. I really don’t know the specie and posted a pic of it in a group on FB, so I hope to get an ansewer soon. The other one I don’t even know if it is a cactus or a succulent ?! It is sooooooo wierd !!!

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It looks like a dessert blossom, but it has these torns and is green. So I know it is not! I posted a pic of that to, so I really would like to know something about them NOW!!!!
And that was our weekend!