Living with mental illness

Hi my lovelies πŸ’›πŸŒ»

Today I think we need to talk about living with mental illnesses. I was only 19 when I crashed into the wall of my own feelings and it just said BOOM! The stigma surrounding mentally ill and people with mental health problems is both very difficult and important to talk about, because people don’t see you as sick, because you don’t look sick.

I’ve heard this since the day it said boom and I couldn’t move from Antons arms because I was so afraid and scared. I have been told, while having an anxiety attack, that I needed just to “shake it of” and “grow up”. Well that’s not me. At least not anymore. Because for a long time after I got sick, I thought if I didn’t talk about it, it didn’t exist. But that lead to another crash and I had to learn how to talk about my feelings and dealing with them.

Now I am like an open book, almost. To function as a person and to cope with my feelings and dealing with anxiety and depression, I need to talk about how I feel and not just with a professional, I need to talk to my family and friends about my feelings. I write almost every night in a “mental journal” about my feelings just to kinda talk and sort out my feelings.

Now I know that I need to rest alot, that my body doesn’t work like everybody else does. Yes it sounds weird doesn’t it? But after learning the hard way, I’m now kinda proud of my self, learning to say no to things because I don’t have the energy to do it.

And now it’s been 2 years since my last mental breakdown. I still have anxiety and is depressed, but now I have the tools to cope with it. My therapist and I are working together to make sure that I have the tools for a better life. So the latest may seem easy for you, but for me personally it’s been a struggle. Since my first mental breakdown I’ve struggled with planning things (even before that) and never really used and understood why people have schedules of their days and day planners. But now, I am a slave for planning what I need to do with everything. And this is so I don’t use up all of my energy in just doing ONE thing.

Yes I know ?! It sounds soooooo basic, but this is my truth about my life. Without planning and sleeping, I am a no go and skips out of everything you may ask me. So basically now you know a little how its been for me living with mental illness.

Yesterday was a bad day…

Hello my sunflowers🌻🌻

Yesterday was a long day, a bad day, a day of just couping. After a super intense morning with myclonic seizures, that would not calm the f down, I had a grand mal seizure on the toilet and feel and hit my head in the walls and my knees in the toilet. So today my body is feeling so darn sore today. If anyone have ever run a triathlon, that’s what’s my body is feeling right now. Sore, in every muscle that is existing in my body.

(Sorry for any typos, my head is blurry and tired )

My head feels like boiled mashed potatoes with to much butter and my sleeping patterns go bananas… I sleep for 5 hours, wake up, pee, maybe talking, sleeps again for a couple of hours. Wakes up, hungry and so sore in the body.

Anton woke me whe he got home after work to ask how I felt, if we needed to go to the hospital and if jizza had been out on a walk.

I didn’t need to go to the hospital and he took out Jizza for a walk and I slept 1 hour more.

Woke up and found her here… crazy dog!

Oh well I’m feeling better now but not ok, it takes a few days to recover the body at full speed.

Home again

Hello lovelies πŸ’œ

Okay so we went back to my parents again, this time for a quick visit for a family matter I really don’t like to share with you and sometimes that’s how life just is. But now we are “home alone” again in Karlskrona and life goes on.

So I drew this picture by a recent request by my mom. It comes with a text but I can’t show you what it says, because of integrity.

You now when your spouse makes you incredibly happy after days of feeling sad ? Anton bought me a frappe and even though I don’t look so happy, I really was!

Fun thing about Anton! He always tries to make me feel better, even if he’s the one making me mad or sad.

Soooooooo……. I promised you outfit pictures so here’s what I wore today!

Don’t ask what the heck I’m doing with my hand …. because I don’t the duckling know!

The denim dress and shoes are old as ducks from Asos. The purple shirt is from Lootwear and the sunglasses are a pair I found when we moved in an old purse!

Do you like these combos of what happened today and what I wore? Or should I divide them up? What do you think?

Pictures from the weekend

Hi lovelies

Here are a few photos from the Easter weekend we just had. Hope you have had a great one! We had both greats and meltdowns, mostly great. If could I would show you my nice in the coolest little jacket we brought for him but, sorry I can’t, but he is sooooooooooo adorable in it πŸ˜πŸ’œ

So here’s a stack of photos after we rebooted my phone! Yaaaay….. πŸ˜‘πŸ˜–πŸ˜­

I will be back soon

Hi lovelies

I’m still alive, but their’s been a few hectic days with some personal matters involved. Sometimes, you need to leave certain things and people out of the internet because of what they wanted and I totally respect that.

So I’ll be back on Friday night or Saturday depending on some things ..

Part of a picture I painted tonight and for respect I won’t show the whole thing.

Such a ducking day

Hi everybody

What we thought would be a lovely trip to Antons grandparents, turned out to be a duck duckling ducks crazy crying feast. First of all I forgot my passwords to my new Samsung galaxy s8, after changing from an iPhone and my head got al blank. I really couldn’t remember what I chosen!? So after 17h with trying figuring out what I chosen for my passwords, having a meltdown, googling 15826472947 what to do, we did a hard reboot. Yup this is what happened the first five times… then it worked!

After a hard panic attack I tried to get ready for the day …. sometimes nothing works so today’s hair was as messy as I felt. We packed our Saabina and left for my grandfather.

After we visited my grandfather and got some stuff after my grandmother. All I could think about was her sitting in the porch tanning, drinking coffee and eating her homemade cinnamon and butter rolls.

Such a beautiful picture! πŸ˜‰

Anton actually got me thinking about other things eventually and we had a really nice time the last 40 minutes of the trip.

When we got home to his parents I had been crying in the car again and was now freezing like it was arctic ice inside!

Now I’m sitting under three woll blankets and feeling meeh.. hoping for a better day tomorrow πŸ’œ